Ah, Linton! Our charming town of 5,800, plus another 5,800 souls in the “two-mile fringe” area, is a haven of Midwestern hospitality, quiet living, and—thank goodness—a decent slice of pizza. Or two. Or twelve. Because if there’s one thing this town absolutely needs more of, it’s not affordable housing, good-paying jobs, or activities for youth. No, no. It’s pizza.
At least that’s what I was thinking as we drove past some new construction on the highway in our fine, little town recently. Am I wrong?
Honestly, how are we even surviving with only a half-dozen pizza joints already dotting the landscape? How can a person be expected to drive a full three minutes without passing a sign that says “Hot, Fresh, and Ready!” or “2 for 1 on Tuesdays!” or “We swear this is authentic Italian!”?
The lack of sufficient pizza options in Linton has become a true crisis. Just last week, I overheard someone at the gas station say, “I had to wait seven whole minutes for a pepperoni pizza.” Seven minutes. In this economy? In this day and age? Unacceptable.
And let’s not forget the sheer terror of choosing between thin crust, thick crust, hand-tossed, gluten-free, stuffed crust, cauliflower crust, or that one experimental, but limited time only option. We simply don’t have enough variety. Linton’s pizza connoisseurs deserve better. We deserve a place that caters to maybe “wood-fired but also drive-thru accessible” pies, perhaps?
What about economic development, you ask? Oh, please! A new pizza place would be a game changer. Nothing says “thriving local economy” like a new restaurant building that serves more of the same, just with a slightly different arrangement of pepperoni. Jobs, you say? Absolutely. We’re talking at least 4-5 part-time positions — most likely for teenagers, who definitely won’t show up on time… or at all. That’s progress!
And don’t get me started on the culinary innovation a new place would bring. We’re on the cusp of discovering the next groundbreaking topping combination. Pickle and pineapple? Sardines and sriracha? The world is our mozzarella-covered pretzel-crusted oyster.
So, here’s to the future. Let’s rally, Linton! Let’s rise up—like a well-proofed dough—and demand the change we so desperately crave. Let’s give ourselves the gift that keeps on giving… heartburn?
Because if there’s one thing this small town isn’t yet known for, it’s having too much pizza.
Bon appétit, Linton. Bon appétit!
The author, Christopher M. Wathen, is offering this series of sarcastic “Editorials” to promote critical thinking in the planning and management of our hometown — or “truth with a barb, ” as he describes them. Stay tuned to next week’s cynical, child-of-the-90’s installment. Wathen is also the author of a few books now available on Amazon, including his latest work Finding Telly: A Playful Romance as well as other fiction and non-fiction.
Featured photo by Sydney Troxell from Pexels
Ha Ha we don’t have one that’s has a good pizza really. They are so so.
Personally I wish we had a dominos or a little Cesar’s
And best of the best A Mario’s pizzeria.
Just my thoughts
Lisa